We all are retarded - seriously - it is just a matter of degree.
Most folks just cannot see their short-comings (their colleagues can however).
To acknowledge a weakness/shortcoming is such a powerful step on the road to spirituality (and many skip this step). We all need God. You see your need. God is there to help, wants to help, makes plain that He created us all needing help, will not help those who think they can help themselves etc.
I know nothing about your particular weakness - I apologize for that. It sounds like it is a battle for you. I praise you for turning to God, the real source of help in time of need.
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