Hey man, welcome to a great family here.
Your whole concern is the doubts of your own salvation. . Remember, Salvation is through GOD'S GRACE ALONE There is nothing you can do in addition to Christ's sacrifice that is sufficient, no good deed or well meaning gesture that will get you into heaven.
Here's some straight talk. You need to ask yourself, as I did, how you feel about God. I mean serious honest evaluation of how you regard God, and the sacrifice He made for you. Repentance is a key attribute of evidence of salvation. if you do not have the desire to repent, maybe you
should be questioning your salvation, and Im saying this, because I had to do this myself, so this isnt criticism, it is concern. Check out
Revelation 3:15-16"
3:15 I know thy works, that thou art neither cold nor hot: I would thou wert cold or hot.
3:16 So then because thou art lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will spue thee out of my mouth."
These 2 verses should be the most significant in the book of Revelation to Christians, in my opinion. It tells us that many will believe they have assurance of entering Heaven, but those assurances are based upon false pretenses, or they believed they could pray the sinners prayer, go to church on Sunday, and Get there forgiveness, like a meal at a drive through window, and carry on about their lives. That's not how it works, and we need to be careful not to embrace the idea that it does. God's Grace,God's way-not ours.
God wants those who come under Christ to be ONFIRE for Christ, willing to take up our own cross in His name. Are you(am I?) wiling to do this? Are you willing to turn away from sin,even though you enjoy it or you feel pressured into it by your peers, and lead a life that may not be cool or seemingly as fun(wrong-there is no joy this world can offer, like knowing who your father is, and what's in store for you when your time here is up-when you have that knowledge, you wil begin to enjoy life in a way you may never have before)but is pleasing to God?
Sure, you're a good person, by the world's standards, or maybe even your own, but Jesus told us that our works are no better than filthy rags in the eyes of God,and can never be good enough to earn us a spot in eternity in the Kingdom. What salvation is, is recognition of who God is. He is the Almighty Creator who has always been and always will be. Who Jesus is; the Son of God-God in the form of man, and what God did; He sacrificed His Son, to atone for all of our sins, so that whosoever recognizes Christ as the King of King and Lord of Lords and turns away from their sinful, worldly desires, to those of Christ for us, will be cleansed of their past sin under this blood offering, and become a new person in Christ, seeking rightousness and desiring to please God above all other things.
When we confess our sin, and honestly( I mean complete-not just oops sorry this time, and I'll be sorry again next week)ask for forgiveness in the name of Christ's death on the cross, we do become new. We become part of the family of God's chosen people.
Are you sorry? Everybody has to go through this, I think. NO ONE is born into salvation. We have to accept it, and embrace it. We have to have the desire to become submissive and obediant to God, and seek out His will for our lives over our own desires. When you find yourself thinking along these lines, you can be assured of your salvation, and you will have no need to fear the comming tribulation. But, you need to address this now, because there is no garuntee to anyone when our lives will end here on Earth,either by Christ's comming, or by death. Ifi you're worried about the end times, you need to be focusing on real times
.
Get on your knees, acknowledge that you do believe that God is only one worthy of your praise, that you believe that He IS the ONe TRUE GOD. That you believe Jesus is His Son, walked this Earth as a man, yet was God, and Gave Himself to death,willingly as the only sufficient sacrifice to satisfy the punishment for you sins, and ask for God's forgiveness for your sins under this grace. Use your own words, and mean every single one of them. God knows your heart,regardless of what you say. When you have done this, you will recieve a peace beyond explanation, and you will not fear judgement again. If you're not sure you're ready, ask God to make you ready. When He does, you will know it, and your life will change forever, because you have been changed.
God has called you to this point, take the next step, and tell Satan to take his temptations, and his guilt, and kiss off!
Best wishes for becomming secure in Christ
-CS