Note: I am placing this here for all to read as there may be others on the forum who share such thoughts and are afraid to speak up.
PSM,
I'm new here and reading through some older posts. We share some sins here and I thought I might offer some advice based on my own experiences.
I too have battled an addiction to Pornography and others. Your comments on the lustful attractions towards women is something I feel I can help with.
When I was undergoing counselling and participating in a forum of those fighting pornography, I learned that these attractions are not NORMAL occurences, rather they are the corruptive thoughts we are tought through the various and almost endless ways sex is exploited in our society.
Your addiction to pornography encourages the mind to think of women as mere objects put on earth to serve men in a physical way. The porn industry caters to this false belief through their medium. The industry condones premarital and extramarital relations as well as many other sins that need not be mentioned. It is easy for our brains to start accepting that this is the purpose of women when we are viewing material that condones these sins.
I found what really helped me was the forum mentioned
http://lightwave.proboards48.com/
On this site you can talk to others openly about these thoughts and recieve valuable assistance. You will find on this site a "Partners Forum", for the spouses of those addicted. I found many of their posts, primarily from women to be beneficial in that it helped me to feal what the women go through emotionally when living with an addict or former addict. It's amazing and extremely painful to think that many years after the fact they still feel pain, resentment, and distrust. Many women think of pornography and even lustful thoughts of other women as being the equivalent to having an affair and feel similar emotional damage.
After learning this, everytime I started thinking this way, I would think about how it would hurt my wife. It has been quite a while now, but when I see another woman, despite how beautiful she is, I see only another person.
It sounds like your wife is very foregiving and understanding. You are a lucky man to have such an understanding and forgiving wife, you can't allow yourself to hurt her. Do not accept that these thoughts are normal or okay. They have potential to escalate into deeper and deeper sins. Take steps to correct them.
Contact me personally if you wish
DW