Hey Mary,
I don't have much to add that hasn't been said already, but one sentence in your opening post caught my eye:
Quote:
|
I want to beable to meet the expectations I have set for myself.
|
I think that's the basis of your entire issue. Why are you following the expectations YOU set for yourself? Did you make yourself? Do you know what's best for you? NO! God is the Creator of you and HIS expectations should be what we're all striving for.
Romans 9 says
Quote:
|
20But who are you, O man, to talk back to God? "Shall what is formed say to him who formed it, 'Why did you make me like this?' "[h] 21Does not the potter have the right to make out of the same lump of clay some pottery for noble purposes and some for common use?
|
God is the potter, we are merely His creations. As humans, our expecations for ourselves are always flawed...we can't see 5 minutes in front of us, much less over the course of our lifetimes. But God can. He is preparing you for something wonderful. You sound like you've hit rock bottom...right where God wants us to be when we approach Him. Right now, you are a fresh ball of clay that God can mold how HE wants, not how YOU want.
You will never reach the expectations you set for yourself. Even if you did, those expectations would be probably be flawed to begin with...who knows better, the potter or the pot?