WasLost, you are allowing Satan to lie to you and tell you that your not able to come back to the Lord. You need to get into the word of God and read the truth! 1 John1:9 If we confess our sins he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
WasLost the Lord gives each child of his so many things to help us get through every day so that we can endure to the end. Remember you are in a spiritual war, read
Ephesians 6:11-18. Get right with the Lord and start taking your stand in the army of the Lord! You are not defeated!