Azarias

Dear Sister Kate,

I feel extremely compelled to respond here, if not for my love for you as one of my bretheren in this world, but because I have suffered through nearly the EXACT same situation.

I have been a Christian since September 2007, though the majority of my own tribulation has been during 2008. It is really in January that I took my faith to the next level, when I got serious about it and truly committed myself. It is in 2008 that I really felt that I was saved. I am not sure how long you have dealt with this, but I am hoping not too long.

Similar here, except that it's just that my family seems to be busy, and that leaves me isolated and without anyone to talk to, as they seem to prefer their work, television, computers, and other worldly things to "quality time". It may be similar for you, but I can empathize in that feeling of detachment. Remember something though. For them, this life is all there is. Yet look what we are told...

"Set your affection on things above, not on things on the earth." (Colossians 3:2, KJV)

In this manner, even if the world isn't pleasing (believe me, it is rarely satisfying), focus on the things of God, and He will provide a much richer lifestyle than you could ever dream of without God. This isn't a provide of fame, fortune, or happiness, but simply of spiritual contentment, even through times of suffering and trials -- you will have that knowledge that He is there for you. This is my own source of comfort, even in the hard times. ("For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." (Matthew 11:30, KJV))

In fact, this is one of my many reasons that I believe in Christianity: the Christian lifestyle simply works. There is something simple yet pleasing about it, whereas the dull, meaningless philosophies of humanism are destructive and have caused me unhappiness -- certainly if such things are true, then what a ridiculous existence. I find little point in being here a little while, then fading away in some sort of endless parade of life in an incomprehensible universe?! Surely Christianity is more logical (and has a great deal more evidence for it than any other religion that I know of).

This is pretty much what happened (and still does happen!) to me, with the exception of the fact that the people at church are too perceptive to continually ask about my parents/family, but I can tell this is what they are thinking. It's not as if I do not notice the pity, or the way people try to sit with me or include me. For this, I am grateful. I hope that you are able to get something similar out of your church, where they can be understanding of your situation. This has been the utmost blessing for me, because I feel that in nearly every way possible, I have been accomodated for.

My advice in this regard is to TALK TO YOUR PASTOR...youth pastor...student ministry...whatever is most applicable. I have done this and let him know more about my situation. This is a critical step to becoming more integrated in "faith life". Now, I am essentially a church member without actually becoming one (something I am not allowed to do). I'm listed amongst all the rest of my peers in the student ministry. I was able to volunteer at VBS, and participate in virtually all events. Later this summer, I will be meeting with him to discuss my faith more in-depth.

What does this mean? I have been persistant in opening new doors so that I am not constantly feeling sad or left out. I refuse to accept the sedentary lifestyle of: 1) Feel bad all week while living life, 2) Feel good at church, 3) Repeat. This is not acceptable for me, and neither is it acceptable for you. For are we not called to more as Christians? How are we effective witnesses in the faith for others when we have not yet overcome our own feelings?

I'm not sure where your boyfriend fits into this (since nothing similar applies for me, especially as a male!) but certainly that is a BIG blessing of your own, as you have someone to talk to, correct? I know that your parents are not very accepting of your faith and that can sometimes make you VERY upset -- I am telling you that I have been there, and sometimes still am. I have been ridiculed by family members, questioned, mocked, criticized.

The part about the criticism, especially with standarized tests, is simply terrible. This is where you grit your teeth and bear it, there is really no remedy. I sort of have a similar analogy for my own situation, but it is sort of obscure and personal, so I don't think I need to go there.

Quote:

I really wish my parents would go to church, but they just won't. I've actually gotten grounded before for commenting on the fact that I have to go by myself.

This is also a terrible thing...I confess that I don't think I have ever been blatantly punished for anything concerning my faith. My honest sympathies that you have to go through that. The worst I remember was complaining about not being allowed to join my church -- that was an argument I ended up conceeding before it turned ugly.

But unfortunately, I am saying that the same thing (grit your teeth and bear it) applies with your schooling situation. Not always do our parents choose the same thing that we want, and admittedly, they are not necessarily right. HOWEVER, two points must be conceded. First, they have more life experience than you do. Note this does not necessarily make them right either. For example, you are a Christian, and they are not. Yet the second matter is more important. It is the Fifth Commandment, as others have noted. "Thou shalt honor thy mother and father". This means to respect, honor, and obey them, even through the persecution. However, we turn to Ephesians 6:1 for more information: "Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right". Note the wording "in the Lord". Now, although perhaps my interpretation is faulty here, I have best understood this to mean thus: you should obey them in all things, so long as they do not conflict with God's commandments. That is, if they instruct you to murder, worship false gods, denounce your faith, or any other such evil thing, then you have the right to decline. But as such instances are actually quite rare in America, except in certain places, I don't think that will necessarily apply (I can't think where it has for me).

To switch subjects again, I can absolutely emphasize with the lonely, strange feelings that you get from regularly attending church alone. It is particularly hard when so many families attend together, and you feel left out, idly wondering what it would be like to be with your own family, to have grown up in the church, to be as well acquainted with the stories and Scripture as the others, to have the same network of friends. While these thoughts can be depressing, they must not be dwelled upon too long, as this line of thinking is in vain: what is not simply is not. Dwelling upon this will eventually lead you to violate the tenth commandment "Thou shalt not covet". What others have (a Christian family) is indeed desirable, I admit that freely, but we can't succumb to such others.

Indeed, as some others have pointed out, you may in fact have a unique opportunity, as I do. This opportunity is manifested in the unprecedented access you have to YOUR network...that is, your own unsaved family and friends. While you may not feel presently prepared for the task of evangelism, that is why you have to remain involved in the faith, and in God's word, by regular prayer, Bible study, and fellowship.

Now, the best way of evangelism is something I call passive evangelism. It is simply achieved through living like Christ, which is frequently commanded of us (“Because it is written, Be ye holy; for I am holy.” (1 Peter 1:16, KJV)). In this, you set an example for non-believers, demonstrating the change in your life by accepting Jesus as Lord. For example, I can hardly explain to you the change in my own attitude since becoming a Christian unless you were there to witness it. Though it is slow, and difficult to change previous perceptions, I assure you it can be effective. Remember that Jesus said this himself: “Ye are the light of the world. A city that is set on an hill cannot be hid.” (Matthew 5:12, KJV) How can we ignore this calling!? It can be likened to the act of dusting. One may dust a surface vigorously, only to draw open the shutters, and suddenly the light exposes even more dust – this is indeed the purpose of the Law, to convict sinners that they may come to repentance before God. Now you cannot evangelize by screaming the Gospel randomly, but it does set a format for how it should be done when you are presented with an opportunity (this may not necessarily come, but if it does, you should be prepared). What do I mean by an opportunity? It was once said that the goal is not to say "Let me tell you about Christ" but rather to hear "Can you tell me about Christ?". This is the ultimate goal: to present ourselves as Christians such that the world MARVELS at it, and scratches their head at our attitude. This is why I say it is so important to present yourself as loving, obedient, kind, meek, accepting, calm, timid, faithful. Do things without being asked. Accept what you cannot control without argument. I am reminded of (Ephesians 4:29-32, KJV): "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." as well as (Philippians 4:8, KJV): "Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things." I feel this should be your goal in this situation, as it is my own.

Please feel free to contact me by PM about anything. I check it regularly, and will be in touch if desired.

God bless you as well, very much so. I will be praying for you.

To the God we both serve, may His kingdom prosper, and may He receive all the glory, even in a sinful world. For the things of earth grow strangely dim in the light of His glory and grace. Amen.

Your brother in Christ,
Azarias