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jesusworshipper · 06-09-2008, 12:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BreathOfGod

I'll tell you what I believe about your situation and what I read in the Bible about it.... but you probably don't want to hear any of it. I'll try and break down my answer to address the various questions/ points that you bring up....

1) I do not believe that a lack of sexual interaction is a form of unfaithfulness. A lack of sexual interaction can occur for various reasons-- biological, emotional, psychological, etc. Even if the cause is a spouse who is withholding sex out of malice, I believe that the spouse is sinning but still not unfaithful. If one spouse is withholding sex it usually stems from other problems in the marriage-- in other words, the issue is not sex, it is something else. That is not unfaithfulness nor infidelity. The lack of sex is just the symptom of a different problem.

2) Your union in marriage was legit. It doesn't mater who performed the ceremony (civil vs. traditional church), and it doesn't matter if one spouse is a non-believer. Two people entered into a covenant together and promised themselves into the unity of marriage. Neither of you was forced into marriage. It was a choice that two of you made. You joined flesh as one and lived in a marital relationship for many years. The Bible never says that if one partner is not a believer than the marriage is null under God's eyes. Nor does the Bible say that if the ceremony was performed in a civil manner rather than using God's name, then it is null. The fact is that the two of you are/ were married and it is a legitimate marriage under God.

What the Bible does say about a believer and non-believer union is that if the non-believer wants out of the marriage then the believer should let them go, but if the non-believer is willing to stay then the believer should stay. Read 1 Corinthians 7: 10-16.

Many years ago you committed yourself in marriage to another person. Even if you were the biggest atheist around, the marriage would still be valid in God's eyes.

3) You are married, and I will tell you that you most likely did not hear God tell you that there is someone else who will come into your life. What you heard is your own desire speaking. The Bible is also clear about re-marriage following a divorce. Look again at 1 Corinthians 7: 10-11..... if one spouse is a non-believer (and the other a believer) and the two separate (or divorce) then they should not remarry or else they should be reconciled back together. Look over at Matthew 19, particularly verse 9.... if a man (or woman) divorces for any reason other than marital unfaithfulness then they are not permitted to remarry or else it is adultery.

Which is why you are trying to justify the lack of sex in your relationship as unfaithfulness, right?

Look also at Matthew 5:31-32...again, if it is for any reason other than marital unfaithfulness then remarriage would be adultery.

This is why I do not believe that God is telling you that he has someone else out there for you. I don't believe that God would contradict himself or his word. God is not going to tell someone who is married that there is someone else in store for them. (And normally I am not so blunt nor bold as to flat out tell someone that it isn't God they are hearing.)

Again, the lack of sex in a marital relationship is not unfaithfulness... it is a symptom of some other problem. Unless it is specifically due to the other party's infidelity, then it is not unfaithfulness. And infidelity can be quite broad..... Infidelity is not just limited to sexual relations with another.

I believe that you know the truth, and you have read the Bible, and you are just looking for loopholes. You said yourself that you do not want prayer for restoration. You are as the Bible describes.... one who has hardened his heart. That is why God has made some provisions for divorce-- because man has hardened his heart (and woman). Malachi 2:15-16 God says that he hates divorce. Matthew 9:8... God permitted divorce because Man had hardened his heart.

Divorce is something that no one should ever have to go through. I am sorry that you are having problems in your marriage, and have been having problems for a long time. I am sorry that you are hurting and angry. I am sorry that you feel that you can no longer be in the marriage. It sounds as though in your heart you have already divorced from your spouse and now you are seeking support and justification for it. How does your spouse feel about it all? Does your spouse want reconciliation?

Thank you for your insights.
nothing i have not heard before, trust me on that. my spouse yes she made all the right noises about wanting to get back with me, but when push came to shove, and she was shown by a third unbiased party, areas of her life that she needed to address the result was absolutely zilch.
she changed nothing. so again i say she made the right noises.
as for your use of scripture to tell me that God hates divorce, do you know that He has called Himself a divorcee?
check out the minor prophets for the way He describes Israel as an unfaithful bride who seperated herself from Him, who divorced Him.
We have in the west been affected by what I would call a victorian mentality toward marriage sex and things of that nature.
tank you for making my point about infidelity for me.
i was neither treated as a husband nor a man during most of our marriage, even tho we were both claiming to be committed Christians. i was ignored for her studies. my needs were never considered. as to being angry, no sorry that no longer resides here. i am no longer angry about it. i do not allow others to dictate my self worth, nor my emotional state. i know who i am in Jesus, and i am learning more and more who He is in the Father, and i get no joy out of the fact we are separated except to say that my child is no longer caught in the middle of what was a battle that made gallipolli look like a sunday school picnic.
i would also like to question the legalistic viewpoint that comes out of statements like God does not allow.....
have a look at the israelites that came back to the promised land, i think off hand it is in ezra, but i could well be wrong. God asked them to put aside (read divorce) their foreign wives.
i do not think there is a contradiction in what God says. I think there is a problem with our thinking and the control element of legalism that pervades our churches.
No i am not trying to justify my stand i am looking for something other than the pat "church" answers. the "church" answers are not always what God had in mind, i believe that some of our "knowledge" about what is written in the bible is and has been corrupted by man's continous desire to live under law.
we live in grace, and grace and love cover multitudes of sin. when two people co-habit a house. where there is no love, where there is no desire for the others wellbeing, not saying that there is /was any desire for their ill health, but really just uncaring existed, which by the way is the opposite of love ( hatred is not). is there or could there aver be said to have been a marriage? yes there was a ceremony, and yes obviously there was copulation ( we do have a child) but love? i cannot say honestly that there was either from me or to me. i think it was more a desperate attempt at not being alone for the rest of our lives, you know the last wall flower of the year type of thing.
i do not mean to belittle my spouse by saying these things, just paint the picture of reality.
Jesus was never placed in the center of what we "had". He was invited, at least by me, but He never entered.
please do not give me the preferred scriptures that people use when they have chosen to make up their mind about a difficult subject and in order to avoid thinking and considering they just trot out the same old stuff. no slight upon you for having responded is intended.
I made a mistake, and one that i have regretted fr a long time, apart from the life of my child. does a person have to live with their mistakes all their life or do we allow them to correct themselves and move on with their life?
i know you are probably going to say that i am fishing for agreement, but you are wrong i am looking for intelligent thought out answers that do come straight out of the politically correct church tradition.
bless you heaps and thank you