Hi all, just new here.
am separated from my wife of 17 years. we have one child who is just under 16 yrs old.
my church is split ver this. one half wants us to get back together. the other half really dont care so long as they dont have to take sides.
which is great cos i dont want people taking sides.
i have read and reread the scriptures regarding divorce, and like most have found only one statement that applies to divorce being acceptable.
i wonder if anyone can tell me if lack of sexual interaction is actually a form of unfaithfulness?
i dont like pat answers so please think carefully.
the other question that burns at me is this, if the marriage was not a godly marriage to begin with, and the marriage took place with absolutely no reference to God in it at all ( due to the legality of the state we lived in at the time. I was not catholic, and she was, i didnt even believe in God back then, but i was not going to get up in front of a church full of people and make promises to a God i didnt believe existed and so we had a civil ceremony. now does that ceremony actually come under the tradition of marriage or should it be considered a nonevent by the church, because the promises that were made were never upheld, by either of us, and they were not made to God the Creator, nor Jesus whom I love with all my heart now?
It has become obvious to me over the past 10 years that we were in a loveless relationship. i did try counselling. i changed a lot of things that i was / had been doing. i worked very hard at meeting the needs my wife had. but to no avail. she either could not or would not recieve it. so now here i am starting afresh. my child lives with me, she has chosen to do so, and also chooses to not have very much to do with her mother, who has not had time for her in the past either.
my wife ran around making all the right noises about wanting to get back together, but when it came to action, and changing her ways, as was suggested to her by our pastor there was nothing doing.
how can anyone expect God to "fix" something that should never have been in the first place. we were just wrong for each other right from the get go.
always seemed to be in each others way, always tearing the other one down, even in private. it was not a one way street, i was as guilty in my own way as she was.
this all leaves me in a dillemma now because i believe i heard God tell me that there was someone else to come into my life. a very godly friend of mine has been walking along side of me through out the separation and has helped me stay on track as far as my child and my life goes. he has also seen a likeminded and similarly placed lady who would be suited to me, and i to her, providing we work out our "problems" that we have had through our previous realtionships.
now i know tha t it may appear to be a quick move, but i am not a teenager anymore, and my marriage has been dead in the water for at least five years. we just played "not so " happy family for a little too long, until she finally walked out.
comments thoughts and prayers most welcome, so long as you do not ask for a restoration of that broken relationship. i am not willing to re-enter that relationship. i have forgiven, but i have no love for her in that way. truthfully i dont think i ever did. i think it was a case of well i better get married cos i am getting old and i dont want to be left on the shelf all my life.
Love did not develop or grow in our house.
thanks
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