Maybe I am not a good one to answer your questions on submission...... it never worked for me. (Pardon my cynicism these days.
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To me, I always believed in submitting fully in the sense that whatever he said or wanted was basically final. When he came home form work, I'd greet him at the door, then let him have his space while I finished dinner so that it was ready as soon as he finished changing or doing whatever he did. If he was a bit snappy from work, I'd just ignore it-- realizing that it can be difficult to simply "turn off" and change roles from being in "work mode" to "husband mode". I always believed in the thing about staying sweet and loving, and also allowing him whatever space he needs to go into his "man cave" and unwind. I would never bother him with things of the day until he asked. I don't think that pointing out his grouchiness will help any..... instead it just might make you seem critical and uncaring, even though that is not your intent.
One thing to always keep in mind is that you have no control over another person, you can only control your own actions and attitude. So, if he is doing something, then all you can do is continue to respond in a positive manner and keep a good attitude. If there is something really, really wrong in the relationship that bothers you greatly, then find a neutral time to approach him about it. Don't point it out in the middle of it. Also you can soften it by preparing him to hear it. Think of how Esther wined and dined the king on several occasions (plus engaged in prayer) before making her request known. (Read
Esther 4-7).
I hope some of this helps. It's hard to answer such an open ended question. I always liked John Gray's Mars and Venus books..... they offer some good insights into understanding things like why men come home grouchy from work.
I am actually reading one of his books right now.... "Mars and Venus Starting Over"..... but I don't know if it is any good yet. I have heard criticism from Christians about things they have read in his newspaper advice columns, but the things I have heard them complain about are contrary to things I have read in his books (so I have wondered if he has a ghost writer for his columns, although I have not read any of his columns myself).