Quote:
Originally Posted by Malissa
Well, being with my fiance for well over a year now and having known him for four years now, I know he is a strong faithful Christian. However, a little over a month ago as I was using the internet on my fiance's computer, I came across some extremely distasteful websites that may or may not have been looked at. I wasn't sure. But it devastated me. I tried to deal with it myself for a few days but I finally had to ask him about it. I asked him if he had ever looked at porn and he admitted to it. ...After continuous talks with my fiance about the issue, he has told me that he used to look at it, but that since we have been together, he hasn't.But because I found those websites on his computer, I still have an extreme lack of trust and am just not sure if he's telling me the truth. We've had some nasty arguments over this issue since it happened. But the past few weeks I have avoided bringing it up and I have been trying my best to pray to God and asking him to help me forgive him or forget it, or for me to find the truth. But even since I've been praying I'm just failing to see the clear picture right now. I'll be fine and realize that everything is okay one day and then another day I'll feel like maybe he really isn't telling the truth. My fiance knows that I'm struggling with this, and he has assured me several times that he hasn't looked at it, but there are hints that are telling me that I shouldn't believe him. I'm just not sure if me not being able to trust my fiance anymore has something to do with me not forgiving myself of past situations, or if there is something more that God is telling me?
Either way, what should I do?  |
Dear Malissa
Hi, I am a newbie on this forum but I know "where you are at"...I was married to a man who I believe was and probably still is; a porn addict (sexual addict) and I know the pain, confusion, frustration, lack of trust that you are going through and you are not going crazy! Like me, you are trying to make sense out of something that you really don't understand; an addictive personality. The addictive personality can "use" any substance or "subject" as its focus; your fiance has admitted that he has looked at it but not while you have been together. Sweetie, that may imply that he "doesn't need it" right now but that is subject to change whenever he decides he "needs it" again...it is an area of control for them. My ex-husband (married 7 years; no children) claims to be a Christian but refused to tell the truth and repent and ask for my forgiveness for the many uses of credit cards, ATMs, etc...money that he spent of OURS that was spent on porn while we were married. It was his choice to divorce rather than deal with his sin and his unfaithfulness to me to look, talk on the phone and then buy porn magazines too. There is no room for porn in a real Christian marriage; just my opinion.
Please understand, your fiance may be a good Christian but how good of a Christian must we be to NOT give into sin? My dear husband now; over 9 years and a son (stepdaughter, 17, lives with us) does not look at porn; will not look at porn and has kept the "marriage bed undefiled"... We have weathered other storms in life together because he has not "turned to idols" to satisfy any desire...he has turned to the one that God has given him as a wife and friend.
I will be keeping you in my prayers...my heart goes out to you and I truly, truly understand your struggle...