Man.. what awesome posts lately! especially this morning for me..
For you see, last night I took another huge step.. I called my mom and was talking about my apartment hunting and how stressed and frustrated I was.. Remember the apartment I looked at on Monday? they wanted a 2 year lease.. it was a beautiful place! and 2 blocks from work , I could walk, save on gas and such.. but I did not want to sign "My life" away for 2 years.. I filled out the application and they called yesterday to offer me the place! I prayed before I called back..I explained with being new to the area and a new job, I was hesitant in signing for 2 years as I was not sure where the Lord was leading me and would they consider one year.. they were more than happy to.. I asked them if they could wait until Monday for my final answer as I have to travel back home to see if I can get a moving company and such.. (you see I have to pay for the Month of May at this new place,, plus give 30 day notice to my old place which means I have to pay there as well...they just wanted me to write them a check to hold which I did..
I did alot of soul searching these past few days.. in regards to the dating relationship I was in.. you see in my heart, I really wanted the man to say don't worry about a thing. .you can live here, we can get married and such. That is what I wanted not what what the Lord wants or that would have happened.. hence my struggle.. He is not willing to committ at this time and there truly are issues there that I have been working through with the help of Bondman and others.
Anway.. I called my parents last night to tell them of the new apartment..
I know deep in their mind they don't understand why I am having to do this all on my own.. as the gentleman lives only 40 min from new job.
I shared with my mom all my "secrets".. I told my mom through many tears of where "my Life" had gotten me.. that I was diagnosed with Herpes 2 a few years back.. that I just went through a scare of potential cervical cancer because of HPV.. I told her how awesome God is.. how he has saved me and that I am working on living God's will now.. I had tried to keep "secrets" from others for so long.. just as we all do with our sins.. but THERE ARE NO SECRET SINS WHEN IT COMES TO THE LORD.. HE SEES ALL AND KNOWS ALL! You see my parents have loved me unconditionally all these 46 years of my life, they have always just wanted the best for me.. just as OUR FATHER wants for us., HE WANTS THE BEST FOR US.. HE GIVES IT FOR US.. HE HAS GIVEN HIS SON FOR US..
This was a huge cleansing for me.. there are no secrets now.. there are no secrets with the ones I love and the ones who love me.. TRULY LOVE ME.. Do you hear this.. the ones who Truly love us.. Praises and thanks to the Lord our Heavenly Father.. for loving me. for placing all of you to help share and help me grow.. I can truly go forth now and do God's will.. you see I have an desire to write and share my story to help others as God sees fit, but deep down I was hesitant because my parents did not know all.. My daughter knows, my parents know.. and of course God knows .. he knew all along! Praises to him.. I encourage you, continue to be open, continue to share, continue to be refined. . what an awesome award awaits us!
Robin
