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Originally Posted by Jon-Marc
I have no desire to be married again and don't want anyone. Whenever I get the asinine idea that I want someone, I remind myself of the emotional pain and misery I suffered. It quickly cures me of that thought.
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Agreed.
This is why God never intended that man (or woman) should be divorced in the first place. But he allowed it because of the "hardness of man's heart" (and woman's heart) as the Bible says. God does not desire that any one should have to go through a divorce, but the truth it that it happens. (When I read about divorce in the Bible, I believe it should be read gender neutral as both genders may be the guilty party.)
Anyone who has been through one can testify to the pain and other emotions associated with this event. Most people don't get married with the idea that if it doesn't work out they can get a divorce.... and if they do think that at the onset, then they shouldn't be entering in that union to begin with. When two people marry, they join flesh as one, as the Bible says. So a divorce is like a ripping apart of that flesh. Like someone came along and ripped your arm off and left it dangling there, torn, in pain, and bleeding. And it doesn't end there. Even people who lose a limb will often speak of phantom pains in that lost limb. Divorce is like that also. The pain never goes away.
Certainly those who have been through it once would never enter into a second marriage if they believed that marriage would also end in divorce. And if the first divorce is not bad enough, I will testify that a second is even more devastating. It is one thing to believe that you may have made a bad choice the first time, and that you just happened to marry a rotten one...... but to marry a second time, believing that this one is different, and then go through it all again. Now there are two arms torn off and you sit there beating yourself up over ever allowing yourself to fall for the deception a second time.
Anyhow, I posted the original information in this thread not with the intention of discussing divorce, but more with the intention of informing people about a valuable resource that is available for those who are going through or have gone through a divorce. Jon-Marc mentioned in his post about being judged and condemned by the church, and in DivorceCare they briefly address that area as well. They cover a vast majority of topics that are important for people who are going through a divorce and provide the opportunity for people to discuss those topics and then to work on healing.
It is sad, but condemnation does occur in the church when it comes to divorce. And often it is directed to the innocent party, because they guilty one has often turned their back on both God and the church. So, the innocent party is having their arm ripped off from a divorce and then the church comes along and starts jabbing knives into it. We need more churches to stand up and offer programs that embrace the individual and help them heal from the divorce.